


Triple Date

by Curmudgeonpidgeon



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Cursed, F/F, Jesus and Judas are chads, M/M, No Smut, but it is referenced to at the end, im sorry, just dudes being bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:48:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25856926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curmudgeonpidgeon/pseuds/Curmudgeonpidgeon
Summary: Kieran, Willy, Lauren, Belladona, Jesus, and Judas go on a triple date
Relationships: Belladona Davenport/Lauren Sinclair, Jesus/Judas, Kieran White/Willy Wonka
Kudos: 9





	Triple Date

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place before all my other fics fyi

Kieran sat next to Lauren, tapping his feet anxiously. They were sitting in a large booth at a Red Robin's. They had a triple date, but there was a catch. They didn't know what their dates looked like.

One man and one woman walked up to the booth, the woman pointed at Lauren, "Lauren Sinclair?" He asked. She nodded politely, "Hello, I'm Belladona Davenport, your date."

Kieran nearly choked on his water, "YOU'RE her date?" He set the cup down.

Belladona slid into the booth across from Lauren, "Who else, darling?" She gave Kieran a look that was both threatening and annoyed. He shut his mouth. He did not want to get on her bad side, just in case Lauren liked her, the two of them would be far too powerful.

The man sat across from Kieran, "I'm Willard Wonka," He held out his hand, Kieran shook it. He found that the pale man had an immensely powerful handshake. He held his in pain, not wanting to offend the man, "You must be Kieran White! You're even more charming than I expected!"

Kieran smiled, "Thank you, *you are too*," he slid the last part in after a brief pause. He didn't want to make his date upset, but he found him exceedingly ugly. Lauren kicked him under the table after she'd heard his lie. 

Then, two other men slid into the booth, one man exclaimed in the loudest voice he possibly could, "Jesus has arrived!" Kieran winced, He was going to regret letting Jesus sit next to him, he'd go deaf before the sun had set.

"And Judas has too!" The other man fist-bumped Jesus, knocking over Kieran's water and spilling it all over him. They didn't seem to notice. Kieran grabbed a few napkins and started drying himself off.

A waitress walked up to the table, "Hi folks! Welcome to Red Robin's! Do you all know what you're going to order?" They all looked at each other and shrugged, "That's alright! We can start with drinks," She pointed to Belladona, who sat furthest from her to the left, "What can I get for you today, ma'am?"

"I'll have the raspberry limeade, please," She smiled up at the waitress.

The waitress moved onto Lauren, "And what about you, ma'am?"

"I'll have the raspberry cream soda," She turned to Belladona and smiled lightly.

"And how about you, sir?" She looked at Kieran.

"I'll just have a sand in your shorts," He knew he'd need alcohol to get through the night with his not-so-handsome date. She moved on without asking for an ID, and Kieran was hurt. Did he look that old?

Willy spoke up before she could even speak, "I'll have the freckled lemonade!" His voice was nasally, and it bothered Kieran. He was sure he absolutely would not want a second date with this man. No amount of good personality could make up for the visual and auditory dumpster fire that was Willy Wonka.

Jesus and Judas spoke at the same time, "I'll have a sand in your shorts too!" They looked at each other, shocked.

"Bro! We order the same drink!" They fist-bumped again. Kieran wanted to cut their hands off and rip out their vocal cords with their own hands.

"Alrighty, I'll get those out for you guys soon!" The waitress smiled and walked away.

Lauren turned to Jesus, "So, how long have you two been dating?"

"Oh, this is our first date! We'd never met each other before this," Judas spoke up, Lauren raised her brows and nodded like she was talking to a child.

"It's just a coincidence we're on the same brain level!" Kieran had to hold in his facepalm. He almost didn't.

Kieran turned to Willy, "So, where do you work?" He was trying to ignore the child-like stares that came from Jesus and Judas.

"Oh, I'm a chocolatier, I own the Willy Wonka Chocolate Company," Willy responded, a hint of pride laced his voice. Of course he named his company after himself.

Lauren and Belladona were deep in conversation, not noticing the chaos that was happening around them. Jesus and Judas were arguing over which one was the top, and which one was the bottom. It evolved into a physical fight, with Jesus slamming Judas into a table. Judas grabbed Jesus by his hair and threw him through a window. 

The APD was called on them. Lauren, Belladona, Kieran, and Willy left before the police showed up. It was freezing cold. Belladona let Lauren share her fur coat.

Belladona and Lauren went to Belladona's place, leaving Kieran and Willy alone.

"So, what should we do?" Willy looked at him, holding himself, hoping to retain heat.

Kieran didn't even get his drink, he was pissed, and on top of that, he was still sober and couldn't deal with Willy, "I'm going home," He started walking, but he heard footsteps behind him.

Willy was following him. Kieran decided to just ignore him.

When Kieran walked up to his apartment, he whipped around, "Why are you following me?" He held up his keys like they were a weapon.

Willy held up his hands, "I thought you had invited me over."

Something about Willy turned Kieran on, "Alright. Come inside."

Willy smiled and followed Kieran inside, once Kieran had closed the door, Willy slammed him against it, putting his hand behind his head to protect it from getting hit.

Kieran slowly moved with Willy to the bedroom, "Wait, Willy, I don't know about this-"

"Kieran, I have the golden ticket to get into your factory~" Willy purred.

Kieran nodded, "Okay. Yes, Willy yes, please-"

**Author's Note:**

> somehow this hurt less than writing the wedding fic. still hate it tho
> 
> I LOVED writing Jesus and Judas as dude bros oh my god


End file.
